her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
