I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
