i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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