they need to just BURY HIM!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
