Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
