I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
