Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Randomize
