Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
