Soap is not a condiment
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
