Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
