I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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