Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
