it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
