so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
