Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
