i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
