If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
my liver is dry heaving
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
