Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
