too bad you live with your parents still
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
