and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
