Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
