I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
