Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
