After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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