I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
