The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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