I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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