u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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