i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
