good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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