I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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