Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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