I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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