i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
