he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
