Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
