just tell him i said nine months
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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