I wannas sexs uuuuu
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you didnt know i had herpes?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
