When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
