Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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