the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
