Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
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