I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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