im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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