Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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