I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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