Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
