oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
