I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
