I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
