I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
