Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
third nipple confirmed
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
